Dumb shit everyone says....

Here's a list of some fuckin retarded shit people say. And you're guilty of it too, don't try and deny it.

1. "I'm in a world of hurt."

No, you're not. Knock it off you melodramatic ass-clown. You want to know who's in a world of hurt?

Here's a child with leukemia. I'd say that's a world of hurt. No older than 6 years and can still muster a half smile for the camera even though he has cancer OF THE BLOOD.
Think about that next time you're in your world of hurt because you have a truck that's a few hours late for its docking appt. You selfish, ignorant dick.




2. "I'll do whatever it takes to make this happen!"

I'm guilty of this one too, I won't be hypocritical. Fact is, no you won't. Don't be a nimrod.

Here's a lion getting a piece of ass and clearly enjoying the hell out of it. You'd do anything? Run naked holding a beehive smeared in fish sauce and smack Ol' Mufasa on the scrotum.

I'll make you that last minute appointment with no questions asked.



3. "I can't believe you just did that!"

This is one of the dumbest goddamn things ever said, and for the simple fact that its usually preceded by an action that is so mediocre in severity, IF THAT, that it would require hardly any effort whatsoever to solve and forget entirely. Spouses, girlfriends, and parents like this phrase a great deal. It's used in such scenarios like:

• Spilling juice.*
• Breaking a dish.*
• Setting a fire in the shower.*
• Installing a zip line from the chimney to the tree in a thunderstorm (really, it seemed like a good idea at the time, Dad).*
  

Maybe a little better suited if used in correct context, after such actions as:

• Replacing your parents shampoo bottle with urine.*
• Disemboweling the living room furniture to retrieve an overzealous pet rat.*
• Shaving off the cat's whiskers and watching the hilarious 3-month effects.*
• Locking your kid brother in the garage and filling it up with dry-powder fire extinguisher solution.*

* - All of these have been tested and proven by one (or both) of these two individuals:














More to come as people say it...