Dinosaurs and the Bible (Part I)

Ok, please bear with me on this because I just have to share how stupid this is. I don't know a good way to transition into the topic that's pounding at the inside of my brain right now so I'll just say it. Why does every christian sound like a confused grade school student when they try to stand up for what they've been taught about creationism, and their ridiculous belief structure? Seriously. you ask them a question like:
"Well, I could be wrong, but what if you are?"
And they retort with something like:
"I know you are but what am I?"
This Peewee Herman logic has continued for long enough. We all need to band together on one day of the year, mark it on our calendars and recognize Slap the piss out of a Christian Day. This really is getting a little retarded. Can we continue evolving now? Since this homo known as "Christ" was supposedly born, we've been on a steady decline unless science is involved.
Pop Quiz: Name one advancement to our lifestyles that Jesus, God, or his Holy Spirit (which can only be construed as a divine fart) has brought to our lives. Besides torture and more interesting ways to kill each other of course...

So I'm gonna share an article a friend of mine sent me. It's called Dinosaurs and the Bible. Im not gonna put a link on here, because clicking on this link and reading this in it's entirety will only make you wish for a spiked baseball bat to bludgeon yourself with.
So I'm gonna break this into a few sections, hopefully to spare your feelings of despair knowing that our world is populated with just about the dumbest group of shit-heads, ever to mosey through this galaxy waiting for the inevitable supernova or collapse of their life giving star.

Here's a few sections. I'm gonna skip the basic informational sections that contain no ignoramus remarks about the dinosaurs, evolution, or this God character everybody keeps yammering on about. . I'll put in some of my commentary just because I can, and you're kinda stuck reading this now. (Warning: I'm gonna use the word "FUCK" a lot, because i honestly believe, If you can read this without saying "What the Fuck?" You are either as dumb as the writers, or you have anger issues.?

When Did Dinosaurs Live?

The story *(yep. story. like a book... like... oh fuck it.) we have all heard from movies, television, newspapers, and most magazines and textbooks is that dinosaurs lived millions of years ago. According to evolutionists, the dinosaurs “ruled the Earth” *(why are there quotations here? Is it that crazy that something can be the majority besides white god fearing cheese-dicks?) for 140 million years, dying out about 65 million years ago. However, scientists do not dig up anything labeled with those ages. *(Um, what?) They only uncover dead dinosaurs (i.e., their bones), and their bones do not have labels attached telling how old they are. *(Oh no, tell me this isn't going where I think it's going.) The idea of millions of years of evolution is just the evolutionists’ story about the past. *(Um...there's that word. Story. Those come in books right? Like another book?) No scientist was there to see the dinosaurs live through this supposed dinosaur age. *(BECAUSE IT WAS 100 MILLION YEARS AGO) In fact, there is no proof whatsoever that the world and its fossil layers are millions of years old. *(Clumps of hair are being pulled from my scalp) No scientist observed dinosaurs die. *(OMG) Scientists only find the bones in the here and now, and because many of them are evolutionists, they try to fit the story of the dinosaurs into their view.

Other scientists, called creation scientists *(retards), have a different idea about when dinosaurs lived. They believe they can solve *(negate) any of the supposed dinosaur mysteries and show how the evidence fits wonderfully with their ideas about the past, beliefs that come from the Bible. *(A book written by retards)

The Bible, God’s very special book (or collection of books, really)*(Or story. Just sayin) , claims that each writer was supernaturally inspired to write exactly what the Creator of all things wanted him to write down for us so that we can know where we (and dinosaurs) came from, why we are here, and what our future will be. *(For the sake of intellectual fairness, I'm gonna let this fuckin idiot go on) The first book in the Bible—Genesis—teaches us many things about how the universe and life came into existence. Genesis tells us that God created everything—the Earth, stars, sun, moon, plants, animals, and the first two people.

Although the Bible does not tell us exactly how long ago it was that God made the world and its creatures, we can make a good estimate of the date of creation by reading through the Bible and noting some interesting passages:

1. God made everything in six days. He did this, by the way, to set a pattern for mankind, which has become our seven day week (as described in Exodus 20:11). God worked for six days and rested for one, as a model for us. *(Ok, I cant do it. If there is an all powerful, supreme being, that has no limitations, isn't rest a concept that displays weakness, laziness and an overall lack of fortitude? Not very powerful if you ask me.) Furthermore, Bible scholars will tell you that the Hebrew word for day used in Genesis 1, can only mean an ordinary day in this context.

2. We are told God created the first man and woman—Adam and Eve—on Day Six. Many facts *(HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA) about when their children and their children’s children were born are given in Genesis. These genealogies are recorded throughout the Old Testament, up until the time of (The) Christ *(Christ is a title, not a name, you illiterate, uneducated buffoon) . They certainly were not chronologies lasting millions of years.

As you add up all of the dates, and accepting *(HAHAHAHAHAHAHA) that Jesus Christ, the Son of God, came to Earth almost 2000 years ago, we come to the conclusion that the creation of the Earth and animals (including the dinosaurs) occurred only thousands of years ago (perhaps only 6000!), not millions of years. Thus, if the Bible is right (and it is!) *(Can I site this as a reference?), dinosaurs must have lived within the past thousands of years. *(I swear, this is for real. I'll stop for now. I can't go on. My heart rate has increased, gotta take a break.)

Here's the link if you feel like reading on.
http://www.answersingenesis.org/articles/1999/11/05/dinosaurs-and-the-bible

Dumb shit everyone says....

Here's a list of some fuckin retarded shit people say. And you're guilty of it too, don't try and deny it.

1. "I'm in a world of hurt."

No, you're not. Knock it off you melodramatic ass-clown. You want to know who's in a world of hurt?

Here's a child with leukemia. I'd say that's a world of hurt. No older than 6 years and can still muster a half smile for the camera even though he has cancer OF THE BLOOD.
Think about that next time you're in your world of hurt because you have a truck that's a few hours late for its docking appt. You selfish, ignorant dick.




2. "I'll do whatever it takes to make this happen!"

I'm guilty of this one too, I won't be hypocritical. Fact is, no you won't. Don't be a nimrod.

Here's a lion getting a piece of ass and clearly enjoying the hell out of it. You'd do anything? Run naked holding a beehive smeared in fish sauce and smack Ol' Mufasa on the scrotum.

I'll make you that last minute appointment with no questions asked.



3. "I can't believe you just did that!"

This is one of the dumbest goddamn things ever said, and for the simple fact that its usually preceded by an action that is so mediocre in severity, IF THAT, that it would require hardly any effort whatsoever to solve and forget entirely. Spouses, girlfriends, and parents like this phrase a great deal. It's used in such scenarios like:

• Spilling juice.*
• Breaking a dish.*
• Setting a fire in the shower.*
• Installing a zip line from the chimney to the tree in a thunderstorm (really, it seemed like a good idea at the time, Dad).*
  

Maybe a little better suited if used in correct context, after such actions as:

• Replacing your parents shampoo bottle with urine.*
• Disemboweling the living room furniture to retrieve an overzealous pet rat.*
• Shaving off the cat's whiskers and watching the hilarious 3-month effects.*
• Locking your kid brother in the garage and filling it up with dry-powder fire extinguisher solution.*

* - All of these have been tested and proven by one (or both) of these two individuals:














More to come as people say it...

They say it is better to have loved and lost....

How do you replace the irreplaceable?

When something comes along that cannot be duplicated, that cannot be replaced, and it means more to you than you want it too, how do you move on when it is inherently gone? An infinite number of questions repeat in my overactive, hyper-analytical brain. All leading back to the same monolithic sub-structure, "why?".

Is this the meaning of what life is supposed to be? To sling these seemingly impossible scenarios at us and test our ability to move forward? Is this what all these half-wit Christians talk about when they say "God has a plan for us all"? Somehow, on a more basic level, I don't think it's that complex. In fact I'm a firm believer that the meaning of life and the only valid answer to "why are we here?" is that there shouldn't have been a question there in the first place. There is no "here". There is no "there". There is only an organized chaos.

This is the first blog in a long time that I'm writing just to put all my feelings on the table. As I am not really concerned with consequence anymore, things really can't get any worse, It's just gonna come out. I usually hide behind a volley of witty banter and amusing subject matter to put on this facade of happiness. Well, happiness is the wrong word...Continuity, if you will.

I lost something very dear to me. Over the past ten years, I have stashed something away inside myself. That thing is myself. The me that I knew before I got married to what really may have been, the worst human being in this hemisphere, has vanished behind a force-field of a calloused shell. I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know that the person I was is behind the callous anymore or if he has escaped, leaving this shell completely hollow. I don't have feelings. I don't have desires (besides just one), I don't feel remorse, I don't feel emotional extremes, I don't react to anger, happiness, sadness, trials, fears; I am empty. Every time I look at myself in the mirror, I see an unrecognizable face. Like my soul is made from cellophane, translucent and invisible when sought at certain angles. Somehow, the idea that this could be scary to oneself comes to mind, but I cannot feel scared. I can't feel anything. I can't remember this person I was. He is lost, and I want him back. Why do we always want what we cannot have?

Pain has become my only recognizable emotion. This pain is exterior. Not an Emo, comb my hair over one eye and listen to My Chemical Romance type of pain.

I've recently (last night) come to the realization that I am no longer 100% of what I was, or ever could be again. Formally, to every individual I've shunned, will probably shun very soon, and has been hurt because I'm no longer who I have tried desperately to be again, I'm sorry that I cannot give anything. Seriously, there's nothing there to give. I could sit here and give the "it's not you, it's me" speech all day. It's the truth. It's me. There's nothing here. It's funny how I use the words "I'm sorry". Truth is, I'm not really sorry. If you want to get technical, I could give two shits about most people, which probably includes you. I know that may seem harsh, but it really isn't your doing. There are literally, 8 people I would die for on this earth, and even in the circumstances that have come up recently with some of them, that list remains unchanged. Truth be told, there's no more room on that list for anyone else. No one will ever make that cut again.

The adage says "it is better to have loved and lost then never to of loved at all." I say, "Fuckin try it, dickheads."

"My fault, my failure, is not in the passions I have, but in my lack of control over them."

Random Comic

Question and Answer

Question:
Why does my microwave need to know the date when it forces me reset the clock? It doesn't do anything with that information. It doesn't adjust the clock based on daylight savings time, or send me an e-card on my birthday. It just sits there, refusing to proceed to operability until I tell it what DDMMYY it is. So what the French?


Answer:
What's with these keyboards coming out now days anyway? Do we really need a button on the keyboard to do every little function on the PC?
My keyboard at work has the following buttons:
Back and Forward (Assuming it is related to internet browsing)
Stop (also browsing)
Refresh
Home
Sleep, which instantly closes everything and puts the computer to beddie-bye and is located right next to the "back" button. This is helpful.
A button with an envelope on it which opens up Outlook
A magnifying glass (?)
A new folder button
A button to declare war on Yemen
A button to open up Media player
A button to open the calculator
A button to open up the "My Computer" folder
Improbability drive
Play/Pause
Rewind
Fast Forward
Stop
Mute
A god damn volume control wheel
An Ipod Dock
USB ports

Um...Unnecessary. Use the mouse. Jack-hole.

I'm Back!

So my divorce is final. God, that's nice. We went Friday and finished everything. Thankfully, things have become MUCH more easy going then they were when this whole thing started (or ended).
More good news: Now I can finally post some of the blogs I've written throughout this whole time. That should go over well. I've had some feedback from several people about these blogs. I think I'll probably just post one. It's my favorite. Not many people know too much about the horrid details of my marriage and the shit I put up with but I think this will at least give them some insight. I'm not gonna start a brand new blog, I'll just post it on this one. HA! This is gonna get me some hate mail.

-

Here goes: This was entitled "Pacification"

Ok, Ok, I suppose I should write something.

I'd like to say first off that I'm so grateful to everyone who has been supportive and has gone out of their way to help me without a shadow of judgment or narrow-minded opinion in all this mess. Thank you, sincerely. I've realized in these past weeks how much of a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. It is nice having a house not completely filled with negativity. It really is no ones fault, it's just been a very long time coming. I'm glad I have people in my life that can see this for what it is and it's unfortunate that others have gone completely off the deep end with ignorance and spontaneous assumptions.
I guess what I'm really trying to say is:


Which brings me to my next order of business. Saying what I really mean. Recently/over the past several years I've been called quite a few names by some people that I never got a chance/had the patience to retort to. Let's just go down the list for a little bit, and I'm sure several will be omitted for reasons of memory failure...
Lets begin with the most recent.

Pussy-ass cyberspace shit talking faget[sic] - This one is funny since I've been pretty much silent and out of the loop entirely which includes answering my phone, writing emails/blogs/Facebook updates, and fucking other men in the ass.

Selfish childish high school idiot - This one is original. I enjoyed seeing this one in a recent email for several reasons. The most obvious being the selfish part, which i won't go too far into for obvious reasons, the childish part because of the nature and context of the email was just oozing with hypocrisy, and the high school idiot part because there were more grammatical and spelling errors in this email than the combined test results of every under-privileged student in Los Angeles.

note: those last two and several others were all in the same email from someone who's name I've decided to keep obscured. Lets just call this person, a sexually frustrated, pseudo-sophisticated, uncultured, unemployed, father who is 50 years old, broke, perverted, angry, and still attached to his tired 80 year old mother's wrinkled, flaccid mammary glands.

Stupid Fat Fuck - this was probably the most common phrase heard around the home, with or without company present. One of my personal favorites. This is a three-part insult that can be broken down. I don't even think I need to address the stupid part. The fat part could be taken literally as I have gained some weight over the years, but it's hard to keep those pounds off when I don't spend my nights and weekends spinning around a tall steel pole. The fuck part is funny because not a whole lot of fucking took place in the last several years (at least with me involved) unless it refers to the financial kind, which, if that’s the case, it should be “fuckee”.

Asshole - This one is actually true, can't really argue with this.

Useless deadbeat dad - Out of all the names I’ve been called, this one hit a little harder, especially since it came from someone whose name will also be omitted to protect America’s drug addicted, kleptomaniac, self-centered attention whores who sleep until 2pm while their children beg for attention or remain locked in a bedroom with nothing more than a cup of water while cats are allowed to roam the house at will, pissing on everything within reach.

-

Ok, that feels good to post. I wrote that almost a year ago. It's been sitting in my drafts along with 20-25 other blogs I haven't put up, just gathering mold.

More to come. I'll share a bit about current events when I have some time. I'd also like to put up some before and after pics of my house since I'm sure everyone is just DYING to know how much a few insignificant things in my house look different.

New idea based on my inability to publish blogs because of my hypersensitive douchy ex-relatives.

So I had this idea a few months back about just starting a Q&A blog instead of writing blogs about the shit that is pissing me off. According to some, since I'm pissed off at completely random things, this inherently means, I'm "talking shit online and being a fag". Ok, I totally get that. Except that came in an email to me which had to be written online and... Oh fuck it.

So anyway, I've been absent for a while on here because my mother tells me to write shit and just not post it. Which I have, but anyone who knows me understands that I can't just keep shit to myself, I must blab it out passive aggressively with carefully constructed innuendos and euphemisms indicating how much of a douche canoe some people (and you know who you are!) can be at times. Well, maybe all the time. Yeah, some people are just total jack-holes and I believe that it is my big-bang given duty to tell them.

Oh, on a lighter note, doesn't Jonah Hill totally look like a goat scrotum?


I'd like the question and answer thing to work, really I would. Mostly because I want to keep writing blogs, and because I think human interaction is much more interesting to read. So by all means, if anyone has a question they would like answered, and it could be about anything, please email me.

jvmuss@hotmail.com