Hypocrisy is never as much fun as it is around Christmas

It's Dec 22nd! Today has great meaning to people who think they have all the answers. Today, the sun has reached it's lowest point in the sky. During the next three days, after sundown and in the same direction, the Southern Cross (Crux) constellation will be visible for those living under lat. 30 degrees in the N. Hemisphere. (Strangely, the same latitude of Palestine and the birthplace for most monotheistic religions...Hmm. Crazy circumstances!). The sun will continue to stay in it's same spot in the sky, very low, and very scarce for three days (Exactly the same number of days Jesus was dead. Weird.), and on December 24th. right before the sunrise, Sirius (The brightest star in the eastern sky or sometimes referred to as "The Christmas Star") will align with the three stars in Orion's Belt (Also known as "The Three Kings". Somebody needs to shut down the plagiarizing ancient astronomers...oh wait.) and point to the place of the sunrise on Dec. 25th! Isn't this exciting? Three days of blatant and obvious, in your face, "you're stupid" hints coming from the earth and universe to everyone with two eyes, and a fully functional brain. I love this time of year.

Anyway, enough of the astronomy lesson. This year, my work has put together a Christmas potluck for us. We're going to feast tomorrow on all the essential and traditional Central California Christmas food items like:

Carnitas
Carne Asada
Papousas
Chili Verde
Spanish Rice
Re-fried Beans
Top it all off with a shit-load of cheese, and Tapatio sauce and then, Mantecadas for dessert!

Christmas in Visalia is great. If anyone has any last minute gift ideas for me, Costco has a special on a 64 pack of toilet paper. Just make sure it's double ply. I'll be spending Christmas Eve on the can. This year, I might install myself some handles on the side to keep from rocketing off the toilet seat.

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, except for that mouse,
For he slept in the bathroom, between the U-bend and the floor
And little did the mouse know what could be in store,
For I in my Pj's had woken with a start,
The Pepto had not worked and I let loose a fart,
A fart that awoke the whole house with a poof!
Scared the crap out of the reindeer and Santa fell off the roof!
I ran to the bathroom with my butt-cheeks clinched hard,
Blew up the toilet and the mouse ran away charred
I had singed the hair off every hair follicle in sight,
Even Santa's beard would no longer be white.
With an uncomfortable walk, I went back to bed,
With visions of the friggin potluck, still in my head.
"No potluck next year, are you listening God?"
I guess not, no matter, Feliz Navidad!